Pain. . . . . . . We All Feel It.

Lately due to the problems I have had from time to time I have been thinking about pain. We all have pain and pain can come in many different forms. Sometimes we can see the pain a person is feeling and sometimes the pain is harder to see. There are times that we understand a person's pain and other times that we don't have a clue.

Being a person who doesn't like to complain and doesn't like to burden other people there are many times I feel pain that nobody knows about. Those pains are both emotional and physical. Yet the few times I try to open up to other people about the pain I feel most of them shut me out. I see those same people comfort others in the times that they need it. There are times I see myself doing the same thing to other people. Which made me start to think. Why do we understand some people's pain, but other people we have a hard time understanding? Some people we rush to comfort and other people we hesitate in a confused state of what to do? 

Then there are the times that someone is in physical pain. There are some people we seem to comfort and show compassion to about their pain. Yet there are other people we kind of blow off as if they are looking for attention or are hypochondriacs. Is it easier to accept that some people have health problems than others? It is my experience that when I am feeling sick or in pain a lot of people give me the feeling as if I am faking or trying to get out of something. Which is hard to deal with since I rarely complain about the pain I feel or the nausea I get on a regular basis. Then when people do listen they wonder why I have a hard time facing it and why I don't want to deal with Dr's who don't understand why I didn't rush in at the first sign of a problem. I was raised not to run to a Dr every time I feel pain or every time I get sick. I was raised to deal with pain and that being sick is a fact of life. So when I do decide to go to a Dr. it isn't over a small issue it is over something that has either become unbearable enough that I can barely do daily things or that has scared me enough that I am afraid of what may be causing the problem. You will never see me at a Dr's office for a runny nose, a sore throat, or the flu. I won't even see a Dr about those things when a boss tells me I need a Dr's note to call in for one day. Personally I don't see a problem with not rushing to a Dr about every little thing. I also don't see a problem with the people who worry all the time about their health. What is sad is I know people who rarely went to the Dr who lived long healthy lives and I had a Grandma who was a Nurse who was always vigilant about looking for cancer who died of cancer. I have known people who went to Dr's in excruciating pain to have a Dr tell them to take an aspirin only for the person to die a few weeks later from a tumor. Granted the Dr couldn't have saved at that point, but if they had done more at least her family would have known what was happening. At least the Dr could have helped her with pain management. Then there are the people I have met who Dr's went above and beyond to save a life. Is it the Dr that was the difference or the patient?

I guess what I am trying to make people think about is the next time someone is in pain maybe you should listen and try to comfort them. I am not saying that if they are continually causing themselves pain or continually looking for attention that you shouldn't say enough is enough. What I am saying is if someone who normally doesn't complain or normally doesn't ask for help give them that moment. They came to you for a reason. It really is a blessing when someone chooses you to be the person they turn to. Especially if the person who is turning to you is the type of person who doesn't confide in others. We all have pain. We all deal with pain. It isn't about how we deal with the pain, but how we help other's deal with their pain.

The Best Things in Life are Free

So I was going to write about finding Happy Holidays by spending less instead of getting caught up in the hype. Then a wonderful friend reminded me of something more important. Well several friends really. Yes, sometimes it takes more than one friend hitting the same note several times to jog my memory of what is most in important.

The first thing that happened was that I woke up to a message from a friend who was feeling down about not having as much as her family. I am sure most of us at some point feel that pressure to have more and live a better life. So much so that we some times forget why we chose the path we chose. I know I do sometimes. I could have been married to a guy from a well to do family several times. I could have had nice things galore, gone to fancy restaurants, and traveling where ever I want to go. Yet all those things wouldn't bring real happiness. Just like my friend chose to go with less in her life so she could be there for her husband and her two  wonderful little boys. She could have chosen to walk away from the man she loved to find someone who didn't have all his health problems. She could have chosen not to have two handsome boys. He life probably would be easier. She probably would have a beautiful house. Yet would she have the love and happiness she has now? Would a house instead of an RV filled with love really be better? Does new pretty things replace love? Most people can't have everything. If I had to choose I would choose love. Money doesn't buy real happiness. It only buys objects that eventually fade away. That kind of happiness is short lived.

Later on a friend of mine texted me about his story of when he decided to go back home. The decision was made at a bus stop when something I said kept going through his mind. He kept thinking about when I told him he should make a living with his art. He is a phenomenal artist and I know he could make a decent living with his art if he tried. Well he sold his bicycle on the spot, called his brother, and took a Greyhound home. He didn't even stop to pack his stuff before he left. He decided his love of painting was more important than his belongings. He left and hasn't regretted it since. 

Then I got another message from the friend who was feeling down. In this new message she mentioned her Mother and how she always wanted to be like her. She realized she was more like her Mother than she realized. Her Mother wasn't about having nice things or a perfect life. Her Mother was about love and family. When I read that I remembered the person I wanted to be the most alike in this world. . . . . . My Grandma Jones. My Grandma was the happiest person I ever met. She didn't place her happiness in material things. Her happiness came from family, love, God, nature, and life.She was always happiest when talking about or to family, gardening, hiking, or doing for others. Including a family of bluebirds. Yes, that memory still makes me smile. Heehee. If she found a treasure in the garbage can of another she got excited. For her it wasn't about how she got what she had or how much it cost. It was about the usefulness of the item and not wasting. Granted my Grandpa made enough money that she didn't have to do that. My Grandma's favorite store was the Salvation Army. When I visited she always took me there to go shopping. I remember my first purse came from there. My Grandma decided I was old enough to own my first purse and she took me to the Salvation Army to find one. For her happiness was a simple thing. It wasn't complex or flashy.

All these things made me realize something I keep forgetting. A home isn't what you  put inside it or what the outside looks like. It is built with the love that lives within. I knew that when I was young. That is why I never settled when it came to love and I won't now. I don't want a building empty and cold. I want a home filled with love, warmth, and alive with beautiful memories, sad times, happy times, hard times, and all those things that give you warmth when you feel alone. I think we all need a reminder sometimes. Especially in this crazy world we live in where people look at you weird if you don't meet their standards. It is easy to get caught up and swept away. So hopefully this helped ground you a little against the tide of insanity. Oh and Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy lots of turkey and yumminess.

Family Is.. . . . .

I know I haven't written in a long time. Well here it goes. I am going to try to do this agian.

So with the holidays approaching fast I have been thinking about family again. Alright I always think about family. It seems to be my main concentration always. Here it goes my current thoughts about family. I am pretty sure we can all relate.

While thinking about my family and the other families I know I have realized that all families have fights. Each family has a feud in it and all family members know how to reach those dark spots that we all wish would disappear. So why is it family fights with each other and why do we push those buttons that we know we can and probably shouldn't? I think it has a lot to do with love. I know it sounds crazy, but those who love the hardest and are to much a like seem to fight the most.

So with that said here are the main reasons I have found that most families fight about.

One of the main things I have noticed family has a tendency of starting fights due to caring to much. We all seem to think we know what is best for those we love. Which is funny since most of us don't know what is best for ourselves, but I guess it is easier to see the mistakes when you are the one on the outside looking in. Every person has to make their own choices and yes I do still think if you love someone you have to let them know when you think they are making a mistake. Maybe the key is as simple as not pushing to hard, but also accepting you can't make someone do what "you" think is right. Everyone must make their own mistakes. It isn't easy to watch the ones we love make mistakes. Especially when we have been through several of the mistakes we are seeing them go through.  Why is it harder for us to let the ones we are closest to and love the most to listen to them or even to accept their choices? Maybe it is due to being to close to each other.

There is another thing I have noticed that families fight about. How our family choose to live their lives. Almost every person I know has complained about how a family memeber chooses to live their lives. Here is an idea of what I mean.

Let's say there are two sisters (this seems to happen more with siblings than other family members). We will call one Abbie and one Tabitha. Abbie is the younger sister and feels as if no matter what happens her life is never good enough as far as Tabitha is concerned. Tabitha thinks Abbie should be more stable in her life and live her life more like a business venture than an adventure. Both sisters live a good life. They both have phenomenal kids who excel in school and life. Both of them have made mistakes in love and both have chosen different paths to get where they are. 

Tabitha married a man who was stable, business minded, and maybe a little obsessive compulsive. She loves her husband, her family, and her life. They have a beautiful house and all the comforts money can buy. Which is a good life. Some people might feel she made sacrifices for all those things and maybe she did. If she did though that was her choice. Her decision.

Abbie on the other hand has chosen to follow her heart and not so much her mind. She has been divorced a few times and may not have always made the best financial decisions. Even with all that she has a beautiful daughter, she has a good life, and finally has found a guy who seems to be the right guy. Instead of making her decisions based on her mind she choose to follow her heart. Have all her decisions been wise? Probably not. Has she made sacrifices to try to find what she wants? Yes, she probably has. Again though her decisions are hers. She hasn't destroyed her life or her child's life. They live in a nice home and have the most important comforts of life. They have love, a home, clothes on their backs, food on the table, and each other.

Due to the sister's decisions and their different view points they are fighting. Tabitha doesn't understand Abbie's choices due to they seem like bad choices to her. What Tabitha doesn't see and isn't understanding is that the choices that were good for her aren't necessarily the right choices for Abbie. Abbie has to live her life for her. Just as Tabitha had to live her's for herself. Instead of being made at Abbie for her choices Tabitha should look at Abbie's life and see that her life isn't bad it is just different. Abbie isn't homeless, she isn't on drugs, or dependant on any substance. Abbie's daughter isn't suffering from not having the things that Tabitha provides for her daughters. Both of their lives have good points and bad, but they are the right lives for each of them. They are the lives that God gave them and they chose. To fight about that is pointless and futile. If Tabitha wants to be made at her sister than she should wait for a bigger problem to occur, but she should never shut her sister out. Her sister is a gift she was given.

We all make our choices. Sometimes our family approves and sometimes our family doesn't. Sometimes we approve of our families choices and sometimes we don't. Those differences shouldn't create road blocks between each other. The only time family should ever walk away from each other is when the differences can hurt the other person.

I guess my point is we all have issues with our families and in our families. This holiday season let's all try to put our issues aside. Let's decide to make amends with our family. Invite that family member you are mad at to dinner, call that estranged family member or send them a card whichever makes the most sense. Just don't let life and differences make you decide to loose the greatest gift you were given. Each of us were given a family for a reason. That family can be annoying, irritating, and a lot more. Yet there is one thing they have that no other person has they are a part of a tree. They come from the same roots as you. It doesn't matter if you got grafted on to the tree or if you sprouted out of the tree. The fact is those roots are what drives us and keeps us tied to each other. We don't choose our family and I would like to believe there is a good reason for that. Maybe it is that the people in our family are meant to teach us something. For some it may be patience. Others it may be understanding and for some it may even be minding our own business. The thing is family is important. Embrace your family this holiday season even the drunks, the dreamers, the crazies, the busy bodies, the irritants, the bullies, the egocentric, even the materialistic. Embrace each other and remember you do have at least one thing in common. Each other.