When I was young all I ever wanted to do was get married to a guy who loved me for who I was have lots of children and be a stay at home mom. I even went as far as thinking that my first kiss would be on my wedding day. Granted all of this was a young girls dreams.
As I got older I realized the idea of falling in love and having my first kiss on my wedding day was foolish. This was pointed out by a couple of close friends of mine while playing Truth or Dare. Yet I always thought when I grew up I would find a way to be a stay at home Mom and meet Mr. Right.
As time went on I realized the idea of being a stay at home Mom in this day and age was highly unlikely. So I started thinking about careers that I could do that would still allow me to be there for my family and would help make the world a better place. As time went on I decided I wanted to be a Psychiatrist. This would allow me to help the people who were hurting in the world and allow me the time needed to be there for my family when I found them.
My best friend growing up had dreams as well. Her dreams were to have a career in business. Maybe get married, but she wasn't worried about if she did or not. The one thing she knew she didn't want was kids. She wanted to travel the world and have a great career. She was well on her way to having everything she wanted it seemed like when we were in school.
While I was growing up I also went to church every Sunday and I went to Missionettes and Youth Group meetings during the week. These weren't things my parents made me do. These were things I chose to do on my own accord. You see my parents had a fight before I can even remember about religion. My Father had decided he wanted us all to be Mormon since his best friend was Mormon and my Mother didn't want us to be. So the compromise was to let us make our own choice. My sisters who were 4 and 6 years older then me always chose a church to go to every time we moved. I of course went with them, but even after they moved out and went their own ways when I was still in grade school I still found my own way to church.
My best friend believed in God, but chose not to go to church when we were in school. She had a Bible in her room, but she didn't read it very often. She had her own ideas and that was fine.
During the time I went to school I wore a lot of dresses and liked dressing up just for fun. My best friend never wore dresses and only dressed up when she was made to.
I made these comparisons to show you how different my best friend and I were. Our goals were different, our way of dealing with religion were different, and how we chose to dress were different. Now let me tell you how our lives have turned out since we grew up.
I am now working in a large company under their Corporate counterpart. I work in a cube imputting information into a system that then feeds out to the other systemsand allows the employees to access their systems and their managers to pull the necessary reports that they need to pull. I am single and never been married. At this time I have no kids and I am in my early thirties. Granted I would still love to meet Mr. Right and have a family, but at this time that hasn't happened. I go into a million theories of why I am still single, but none of them really matter. The point is I just haven't found that guy who loves me for me that I love back that I could be happy with. There have been men I loved all of them had their good points. They just didn't want the same things I did. I know wear mainly pants and I hardly ever wear dresses. Not because I don't like dresses, but they can be a hassle in 115 degrees heat. It is just sometimes easier to wear pants. I don't go to church very often. Partially because everytime I find a church something happens that makes me realize it isn't a good fit for me or I get busy with just trying to survive and I don't get around to it. I still believe in God and I say prayers through out my day. I always pray before I eat, before I go to bed, whenever something happens in my life or anothers life, or I see or hear something that reminds me of how wonderful this world is.
My best friend is now happily married to a wonderful guy. She has two amazing boys and she works from home for her Church. She is active in her Church and so is her whole family. She cooks from scratch as much as she can and tries to grow her own garden. Did I meantion she only wears skirts now as well. She has ended up in the life I always wanted when I was growing up. They struggle at times and have had their ups and downs, but in the end they always find a way to make it work. I couldn't be more proud of her if she had decided to go into business or became a politician. She has found the things in life that are the most important and she found them without trying. She met her husband and ended up pregnant when she wasn't execting to. She had a wonderful son who helped her start going to church. Her second son has had problems with his health, but has never let his spirit break. He is a wonderful reminder that no matter what we should think of others.
You would think I should be jealous that my friend has found everything I have spent my whole life searching for. Especially since she never really was looking for it in the first place. Yet I can't help thinking that if God came to me and gave me the option to chose: Giving up my dream so she could have a family and know that joy or receiving my dream and her receiving her dream of having a career. I know I would have chosen giving up my dream so she could know the joy of having a family of her own. Everything happens for a reason and I am not saying I won't find the right guy. I am not saying I won't have my family some day. What I am saying is I hope all the good people in the world find that love that I know is out there. I hope they know the joy of having someone love them for who they were, who they are, and who they will be. I hope they know the joy of having a child ask them for guidance. It doesn't matter if that child is from their own genes or if that child is theirs through a marriage of the one they love. Just as long as they know that joy.
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