What or who decides if we have potential? Do we decide? Do others decide? Does fate decide? Is it a mixture of all these things? Or is potential something we are all born with and it is how each person chooses how to use it that decides?
Most of my life I didn't know how most people gauge other people's potential. It wasn't for until I was about 16 that I found out how people gauge other people's potential. Maybe this was due to my love of history. You see history is full of underdogs succeeding for one reason and one reason only. They believed they could.
When Annie Oakley was a little girl she was told that ladies don't hunt and they don't shoot guns. Her mother was raising a lady not a boy. Even though her mother forbad her from shooting a gun Annie had her father's friend teach her how to shoot. This was after her father had died and the family was needing food bad. For a while Annie hunted for food using traps, because that was acceptable to her mom. At some point Annie showed her mom how well she could shoot by shooting an acorn out of a tree. I read this story when I was in 4th grade. Granted I didn't get to finish the book due to moving, but the life of Annie Oakley stuck with me mainly, because she was a woman who did what she was told wasn't possible. She remained a lady while being able to out shoot most men. This wasn't believed to be possible back then. If a female could shoot then they couldn't be a lady. Yet she was able to be respected as a lady while making money showing she could shoot better than most men. She did what was believed in her time as impossible. Why? She did it, because she believed she could.
Marie Curie also is a person who found her great potential inspite of the general populations thoughts. She was the first women to win the Noble Prize, the first person ever to win it twice, and she was the first female instructor at Sorbonne. Along with this she co-founded Radium institute in Paris and was the first Director there. She also was the first woman to be honored with having her ashes being kept in the Pantheon in Paris for her own personal achievements. If she didn't believe in herself would she have been able to do all this during the late 1800's and early 1900's? Probably not. She went through a lot before getting to the point in her life that she could make all her wonderful acheivements. If she chose to listen to what the general population believed a woman should have been doing during that time era then she wouldn't have reached her potential in life. Without her acheivements our medical science might not be as advance as it is today. Who knows how long it would have taken for someone else to have her vision?
I grew up believing I could reach the stars if that is what I really wanted. It wasn't for until I was around the age of 16 that I first realized what people thought o f my potential. Granted the people who knew me believed I would acheive great things, but there were others who didn't see that potential. At 16 I moved to a small hick town. If you have ever grown up in such a place you know how rumors and stereotypes are. It didn't help that I was new to the town (or so the people there thought). All that mattered was that I was poor, a female, and I had large breasts. Those things all added up to I must be easy and I have no future without marrying up. Of course I wasn't easy. They couldn't have been farther from the truth. I was a virgin for until a month after my 22nd birthday. Yet that didn't matter to the people spreading the lies in town. It didn't matter that I had only dated one person in town or that I was smart. What mattered was what other people said and believed. That one guy I dated well his mother didn't like me due to those rumors. She never tried to get to know me or find out if those rumors were true. All she knew is she heard I was a slut. So she was determined I was going to get pregnant and ruin her son's future. Granted if he had his way that would have been a possibility. What she didn't realize was that I wasn't ruining my future for her son. This was my first experience with the idea of what someone else's idea of my potential was.
The next one happened when I was about 21. It was for similar reasons, but was a lot nicer. You see I was working at a Circle K on 19th Ave and Buckeye at the time I met him. Things were still really rough for me during that time and I was living over there with my oldest sister. Even though things were rough I had never given up hope that I would do something great some day one way or another. This guy I met at that time was a kind of shy guy, he was really sweet, and kind of cute in a geeky kind of way. The truth is he was a wonderful guy and I sometimes wish things would have happened differently. Then the problems started. You see he started his dream career. At that point he started thinking................... Which wouldn't have been a problem had he listened to me while he was thinking. People communication is the biggest downfall of most relationships. Great he communicated with his family and friends, but he didn't act like he could hear me. Which is why we aren't together any more and probably never will be even if I ran into him today. I can make a lot of assumptions as to why he started saying the things he did to me, but all I know for sure is how those things made me feel. Which was like he didn't know me and didn't believe in me as a person. I felt like he wanted me to become a different person. He started telling me how I should dress. Then the whole thing about proper etiquette started. I get he wanted to smooze his new boss and move up the food chain. The problem was this. I know proper etiquette. It has been a hobby of mine to pick up magazines and books about it since I was in grade school. I know odd. I have even dreamed of finding and buying antique books on etiquette. At one time I could tell you what the name of the top etiquette book was during the height of etiquette. I have forgotten now, but at one time I knew it and if someone said it I would remember. The point is I know a grapefruit spoon, an hordoeuvers fork, a shrimp fork, a dessert spoon, a real soup spoon, a dinner fork, and a true salad for. Most people don't even realize there are technical differences in each of these such as size, prongs, jagged edges, and shape. I was taught this by my Mother at a young age. I had Grandparent's on both sides who were big on proper manners and an older sister who was obsessed with etiquette. I swear you would have thought she planned on marrying royalty some day with how she obsessed over it. I admit some of those things have slipped with age. Mainly due to no need for it in my life, but at the time he was lecturing me it was all still very fresh in my mind. I tried to explain to him that I knew proper etiquette, but yet he still wouldn't listen to me. He argued with me about it. Why did he assume I didn't know how to dress appropriatley and how to eat appropriately at a fancy meal? The reason was simple I was poor, I was living in a bad neighborhood in a trailer that was falling apart, and I liked to wear Goth clothes at the time. I was 21 so yes I liked the style of the classic goth dresses and blouses.I like fishnet stockings and lace up granny boots. It looked good on me and it wasn't like I was doing the black makeup. I had regular makeup and regular hair with the fancier more feminine Goth clothes. You know the ones that have more of an old fashioned touch to them. Oh yes and my favorite reason he gave as to why I needed guidance and help I hadn't gone to college yet. Wow! Really! It wasn't like I hadn't tried to find a way straight out of High School. Things just didn't work out as planned. So what did I do? I picked up my broken dreams, put them in a sack for until I could find a way to put them back together or reshape them into something beautiful. The funny part is despite me trying to talk to him about my feelings about all this and him not really listening I was still willing to let it go and try. Up for until he made the mistakke of having a conversation with me basicly telling me I needed him to acheive my dreams. Once again someone else's idea about my potential. I have potential, but once again it was believed I needed to marry up to acheive it.
Now is a different story though. I have a great job. I have a nice apartment/condo (I call it an apartment since I am not going to buy it). Plus I have my Associates degree and plan on going on to my Bachelors once I feel I can handle taking classes again. I did all this withoug going into debt for my education and with out getting married to someone to support me along the way. The problem I have now is this people don't understand me. When I describe my past and where I am from I get the look and attitude of "Ya, right. Whatever. Don't lie." from people. I get asked why don't you have a driver's licencse? When I explain my situation they tell me "Stop making excuses and just do it. It isn't that hard." I never said it was hard. I said things haven't lined up right for me to do so. Partially due to my family. Partially due to my own hang ups when I was younger and partially due to life isn't fair. It has taken me my whole life to get to this point in my life. This point where my life is drama free and I can live my life for me. If you don't know about my life before this point. Let me just say it was a bit like a rollercoaster ride, mixed with a horror movie, then add some epic romance scenes, and don't forget the being there for everyone else when they need it part. Finally after 32 years I can say "I did it." I made it to where I can survive on my own. I can get an education and a good job without a man getting me there. I didn't sleep my way to this place either. I got here with hard work, dedication, believing in myself, and never giving up no matter what happened. Getting here was never about money for me. It was about proving to myself I could do it. That if I had a family and I needed to take care of them I could. Now I know I could if I had to do it on my own.
The funny part about all of this is I didn't realize most of this (with the exception of my own thoughts) for until recenlty. Some how the change in how people see me now made me realize how people see other people's potential. They see potential based off of how good your family is, how much money you have, your education, your sex, your neighborhood, how you dress, and even sometimes the color of someone's skin. These things don't tell you someone's potential.
I have met people who came from good homes, who had money growing up, who's parents sent them to college and encouraged it. Some of those people are the ones who drift from job to job and can't function on their own. So if I made it past all the odds people said were against me and those people had all the things I was told I needed then how does that theory work?
Growing up I never realized my messed up family, their income, the side of town I lived in, the size of my breasts, my sex, or any other thing outside my control was suppose to decide my potential. All I knew is that if I wanted to acheive greatness then I could. All I had to do was believe and never stop trying for it. If I did this then eventually the door would open for me to walk through. Nothing chnaged about me in all these years. Well nothing that important at least. The core person I am is still the same. My past is still my past. I moved a lot, I lived in houses, tents, a school bus, apartments, trailers, and an RV. I watched abuse of different types happen to those I loved and to me. I have had people try ot push me down and try to hold me back. I was poor and shy at one time. I have dated psychos and loosers. I have dated great guys who didn't know how to communicate with me or maybe I didn't know how to communicate with them. The point is you have the potential to do anything. Don't let others decide for you what you can do or can't. Other people are wrong. They get hung up on what their own ideas are and won't break free to see the real you. Only you know what you want and if you want it then it is up to you to go get it. That isn't to say that you won't find people who will help you get there. Some people will see the truth about you even when you don't see the potential in yourself. If you are to listen to anyone then listen to the people who tell you that you have potential. Just don't let the box thinkrs hold you back. It is the dreamers and those who rose above the typical thought patterns who acheived the impossible. They make the changes in our society. They can change how the masses think. It once was believed the Earth was flat, once people believed the sun revolved around the Earth, once it was believed a person was less of a person due to skin color. Now we know the Earth is roud, the Earth revolves around the sun, and that people are all equal no matter what. These thoughts were brought about by one person standing up and saying they know they have the potential to change it.
It is us the free thinkers that will acheive the great acheivements of the future. The reason being is we won't let the tide pull us down. We will rise again. We will dust ourselves off and keep going. Falling is a part of tha tpath. The difference is we won't let the falls break us. Decide your potential. I would love to hear what you overcame or how different people gauged your potential. How did you overcome those ideas? Did it break you or make you stronger?
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