Material World

So I have thought many times about what people this day and age have compared to what our ancestors had. Along with that thought process I have also thought about what modern people consider a necessity compared to what really is a true necessity.

The whole reason this keeps coming to mind is I keep hearing people tell me electricity is a necessity or running water is a necessity. Granted don't get me wrong I love both of these inventions and I really don't want to go back to a time before they existed, but they aren't necessary to live. There are many people who to this day don't have either. Some of my second ex-fiancee's family for instance. My family a few times when we were living at campgrounds or we were moving some where. Hence probably why I can remember that they aren't necessary, but a really great luxury that we are privileged enough to have available enough to feel it is a necessity. Granted some will argue they are necessities in order to survive in this modern world. Alright on a business sense they are necessary, but on a human survival sense they aren't. Trust me those are recent modern inventions that haven't been around very long in the great scheme of things.

Another thing that people have a hard time believing isn't a necessity for living is a car. Again I think the car is a great invention. I love, love, love motorized vehicles. So please don't think I am saying we need to get rid of them. I am only trying to open your mind to the idea that we live in a privileged society and time. Cars have only been around for the public since around the end of the 1800's. Even then they didn't really begin to be mass produced for the general public for until after Henry Ford started his production line. The mass production of cars didn't even become as major of a deal for until around the 1950's when they started getting more customized and flashy. Now the modern generation of people have become dependent on having a car. I can't even tell you how many people I have met who won't even walk a few blocks to the store or a restaurant. When I think about it I start to wonder how we became so dependent on a vehicle. Maybe my perspective is different since I never learned to drive and there forth never owned a vehicle. Like I said I love the invention of motorized vehicles. My only concern is if in such a short span of time we have become so dependent on vehicles that we don't like to walk even a block some where then how dependent will the next generation be?


Another thing people have started acting like a person can't live without is internet. I am going to lump computers in with the internet since you have to have a computer to access the internet. The weird thing about people acting like the internet is a necessity is that I remember when most people didn't even know what it was. Even weirder is I remember when most people didn't even have a computer and schools were teaching kids how to do simple things like turn the computer on. So how is it within my lifetime of 33 years did we go from not having these things to now we feel we need them and we look at anyone without them as strange? Granted don't get me wrong I love having a computer. I love being able to look up anything within a matter of seconds and I love being able to stay in touch with family and friends so easily. Especially now that there are sites like Facebook that have helped me reconnect with old friends who I missed greatly. Yet I wouldn't say my computer is a necessity unless I am taking classes. At that point my home computer is a necessity due to the school makes it a necessity. Trust me I tried taking classes without one at one point. It didn't go so well. So what would I do if my computer died tomorrow and I couldn't use it as a source to stay in touch with friends? Well I guess I would have to stay in touch with the ones I can by phone. Granted my phone allows me to FB on it. So in my above scenario I guess I am going with I have no internet access. The point is I have lived without a computer and without internet available to me. So there for I can survive without it. My life just becomes a little more cumbersome and less exciting.

The final thing I have noticed people depending on as a life source is their phones; especially cell phones. Those of you who know me well also know I call my phone my life source. So please understand I am also wondering what is wrong with me that I go through phone withdrawals when something happens to my phone. Yet I have lived without a phone at all and up for until my friend was pregnant with my Goddaughter I didn't have a cell phone or a desire for one. I even kind of was upset that my friend felt I needed one for in case she went into labor since the father was a part of the picture. Granted I worked closer and was more likely to come running if she went into labor than he was at the time.So yes I get why she wanted me to have a reliable source of contact. Once I got the cell phone though I loved how convenient it was. I loved being able to call my family and talk to them whenever. I probably should have and still should use my phone to stay in touch with friends more. Yet they seem to always be busy and I get tired of being told that people are busy. My family on the other hand most of them don't have life's so bugging them is easy. I know I am mean, but the truth hurts sometimes. Plus I will readily admit I really don't have a life. If I did I probably wouldn't have time to be writing these blogs instead I would be in a bar or cafe discussing these things with my friends. So back to the phone thing again a fairly recent invention. So why do we feel it is a necessity to have them. Well we all like to be able to get help when we need it. This includes 911 or maybe asking a quick question like "Mom what ingredients other than chicken broth and chicken do I need for chicken soup, because I don't feel good." LOL. Seriously I had that conversation and many like it with my parents in a grocery store. Don't laugh. Ok you can laugh, but you know you have done something similar before.

Now for the big question. What is it about technology and the ease it gives us that we start feeling like we need all this stuff? I am not saying the feeling of wanting this stuff, but the actual feeling that it is necessary for our survival. I have met actual people who will argue with you that electricity, running water, their car, their cell phone, and their computer are things they could not live without. Trust me I have had these discussions and walked away wondering what happened, because the person wouldn't see that they were wants not actual needs. No, one of their arguments wasn't due to our modern society we need these things. That was one that I came up with or one of my friends who saw my side came up with during a discussion. I guess my concern isn't that we use these things or that we have them around. My concern is if so many people currently see them as a necessity what will future generations think are a necessity? Also what will the future be like if at some point we run out of resources for these items? Will there be any people left in our society that will know how to survive without these items? Just some things to think about. Like I said I love modern technology, but I also like to go camping and get a way from at least some of them.What are your thoughts? I would love to hear them.

Helping Others. Is the Kindness of our Hearts Worth It?

At one time or another we all have wondered if what we chose to do for another person is worth it. Was it worth giving that dollar to the guy on the corner? When we loaned our friend that $100 knowing they won't be able to pay it back was it worth it? Your parents need to be taken care of because they are getting older was it worth it? A parent needs a babysitter so they can go to work or get some sleep so you watch their kid. Was it worth it? Your boyfriend/girlfriend wants to better their life by starting a business or going to school, but they need some tools to do so. Is it worth helping them? A family member needs a place to stay so they can get on their feet. Is it worth it? A family needs money for food you give them what you have extra to help. Was it worth it?

All these situations plus more either I have had to deal with or seen people that have had to decide what to do. We are faced with the choice of whether we should help someone at some point or another in our lifes. Sometimes we chose to help people and it doesn't hurt us. Then there are times we chose to do something to help someone that we know may backfire in our faces. Sometimes we even know it definitely will backfire and yet we do it any way. Why? Maybe it is something that is genetically programmed in us or maybe we just feel that if it was us it is what we would want someone to do for us.

So what do we do in those moments that those moments of kindness backfire on us? Do we get angry and swear never to help anyone again? Do we blow it off and think about how they will get what they deserve? How about forgiving the person? Maybe we even go through all these feelings.

I am not going to say that helping people hasn't made me feel all those feelings; plus maybe some that I am ashamed of feeling. Yet with each situation I believe that in the moment with the information I had I did the right thing. Maybe some of those choices I am still paying for in one way or another, but in the end I did what I felt I should do. I was the friend who stood by her friend and was there when no other person was there for them. When someone needed money and I had it I was the person who automatically gave them the money. Not so they would be in debt or would look at me as being a great person, but because I remember my family needing help. I remember my father giving a family at a rest stop money to get home or to get food when we were barely making it by. I remember when our School Bus broke down on the side of the road on the Coast of Oregon and we needed to unhook the car from the back so my Father could get a part from town. A young girl was walking by and offered to help. My parents didn't know anything about here, but offered her food and a place for the night. They could have just taken her help and never thought once about where she was going to sleep. Yet they offered her a place without being asked or prompted. Granted she chose to sleep under the stars. That whole night I thought about her and from time to time I still do. That night it rained hard and I have hoped that she was safe that night.

No matter where I am, how hard things get, no matter who does me wrong I will always help those who need help if I can. Not for the gratitude or praise. I won't do it so that people will look at me as a Saint or a friend. There won't be a feeling of gloating or a time I will hang it over their head. The whole reason I will do it is, because if it was me or someone I love I would want someone to do it. I do it due to it is the right thing to do.

If helping someone, because you would want them to do it for you or your loved then maybe for yourself. When you help someone and you see a look of relief or gratitude no person can help to feel good inside. There is a warmth that floods through you that can't be manufactured by anything. You can't even replicate that feeling by a good workout or a run. That feeling only comes from helping another person who is desperately in need of help. That help can be just being a friend and listening to them. It can come from helping them with a simple need they have or even by giving extra money to help them.

I am going to ask each of you to do one thing. It can be anything. Just one thing to brighten someones day or to lighten their load. You don't have to give them money or anything major. Just be there for someone when they are down. Say hi and talk to a person who is on the outskirts. All you have to do is do for another person what you would want them to do for you or your loved one. Don't think of what they may do for another or how it may come back to you. Just think of the moment. Think of that person and their situation. Try to put yourself or a loved one in their place. Then do what you would hope they would do.

Time

Time. It is many things. For one thing it is that item that we always feel we never have enough of. Then there is the time we remember from the past. Our hopes depend on time and so do our dreams. In time we get things done. Due to time things aren't done.Time attributes to many things.

How many times have you planned on doing something, but there wasn't the time to do it? When was the last time you gave what you spend your time doing a thought?

I know my time could be better spent then I spend it. Constantly I tell myself I will figure out better time management. Instead of wasting time doing this or that I will workout, I will do more around my house to get organized, I will spend more time with friends, or work on more crafts. Maybe I will read more books and learn more things. Honestly some of those things I use to be really good about making time for. It seems as life has gone on and time has slipped by me I have lost not only the time to do certain things, but the energy. Hee Hee. Maybe with time and determination I will get better at things.

My memories are filled with times of good and bad things. Even the worst things though at times remind me of the better times. Some how both seem to lead to each other and meld themselves together. Maybe it is due to the people I spent with in both those times. The laughter, the love. . . . during the good times. The betrayal, the hurt. . . . .  during the worst times. Very few people who have crossed the path of my life has left only bad memories (or times). I guess if all there were was bad times then there wouldn't be a lot of memories of the person, because in most causes we wouldn't have them in our lives.

Our dreams and hopes depend on time as well. It takes time to make a dream come true. Hopes depend on time. If there was no way to see a possible time frame to make our hopes come true then there would be no hope. The time frame of our hopes and dreams can be as short as a second or as long as past our lifetime. Martin Luther King looked forward to end of humans seeing the color of each others skin. He knew that his dream may not come to pass in his lifetime, but he believed and hoped that some day the time for his dream would come. He hoped that some day we all would only look at one another as one race. That race is human. As he wished for that time to come I do as well. Some dreams aren't as grand as Martin Luther King Jr.'s, but they still mean a lot to the person they belong to. Those dreams can be as simple as living another day, seeing your children grow, having children, going on a trip, falling in love, or graduating from college. Whatever your dream is it takes time to make it happen.

People sometimes run out of time before they succeed at their goals. We all have a limited time here and most of us have many things we would like to do before our time is done. Some of us may already be working on those things. Others may have alreay accomplished our list and be trying to think up new things to do. Then there are those who don't think of these things for until time starts running out. I can't say I have a set list of things I want to do. I am not that type of person. Not that I didn't use to think about those thins or want to make a long list. What happened was I realized only a portion of life do I have control over. So my list exsists, but it is split between what I know I can accomplish for sure, what I believe will be accomplished and what I hope will be. I know not as exciting, but I have had lots of plans that have been changed due to life and time. Oh and due to that elusive thing called. . . . . . money. I am hoping next year several of those things will happen. One being going to Ireland and another being owning a house. Granted they have been postponed many times I won't give up believing that I will find a way to get those things.

Time makes up our past. Our present is the time we currently have to do what needs to be done. The future is the time we hope and dream of. May you make of your time what you want it to be and may you have all the time you need. Only time will tell what our time will become. Will we help a person who is in need? Will we leave a mark in history? Or will only our ancestors remember us and what we did?

Alone

I can't say I know how other people feel. I only know what I think, feel, and belileve. Honestly though from what I have heard people say I think we all feel alone at some point.

Tonight is one of those nights for me. Not sure why I feel that way. I have friends and I have family. Yet for some reason I have always felt alone. I take that back. There was one year of my life that I didn't feel alone. It was the best year of my life and the weird thing is that year felt like it was a lifetime.

I am not going to say that I know or understand why I am single. I have met some great guys when I was young and dated them. I also walked away from them. At that point I was young and I didn't know what love really was. All I knew is I was to young to settle down. It turns out that it was for the best I moved on. Some of them if I had stayed with them I might have fallen truly in love with them and when the time came to move it would have been harder then it was. Others I needed to find my own way and prove to myself that I could accomplish something. That I wasn't a failure and nothing. I had to prove I could succeed at something. That I could be good at something. It was a long hard road, but I proved to myself that I could succeed. I proved that I wasn't a failure. I proved to myself that maybe I was deserving of the friends I made and that they didn't have to always be there for me. I proved that I could be there for them too.

Shakespeare says "It is better to have loved and to have lost then to never have loved at all." At one point I would have argued that point. Now I realize he wasn't just talking about the love of a lover. He was talking about love in general. He was right. Losing someone you love hurts more than any other pain that you can imagine. My problem is I grew up where I rarely got to know anyone well enough to love them and if I did I always had to leave them. So I got use to people come and people go.

My whole life I have heard about how people grew up in a town and how they went to school with the same people.My whole life I wondered what that would be like. When I was younger I fought with one moment wanting that thinking maybe people would have liked me better if I had grown up with them. Then there was the thought that if I had then they would have had more years to torment me without any breaks from their cruelty. Now that I am older I can say the only sense of jealousy I have ever felt is for those people who grew up with the same group of people. It doesn't matter if those people were mean or nice to them. That history alone gives them a tie that isn't like anything I know. My past and my history is broken up. There isn't any person who can say they share my whole life with me. Even my two sisters who were closest to me went a way and forgot about me for a time. Granted my sister Ginger probably would be the closest person to having been there the whole time. The really weird thing is I had always felt closer to my sister Sandy for until recent years.

Now I think about my life here and there on nights like this. It makes me wonder.What if my life had been normal like most people's? Who would I be and where would I be? I am not saying I want to change my life or trade it with anyone. There is a reason I lived the life I did. It made me who I am. Maybe I am not perfect, but I believe I am a decent person. It is nights like this that I miss my best friend the most. She has her life now though and I have mine. We are miles apart, but she is the only person I feel I could tell anything to. When I know she is having a hard time or I am having a hard time all I want is to be there. It just really sucks how I got to meet the best person I know and become really good friends with her only to have to move so far away from her. Some day I hope to be able to move back near my friend, but as of yet I haven't found any logical plan to move back. Maybe it is for the best for both of us. I am not sure how though, but I have to believe that there is a plan greater than my own for everything.

I guess what I am saying is when you feel alone just remember you have people who love you. They may not always be able to be there when you feel you need them most, but that doesn't mean that they don't want to be. We all have our own lives. . . . . . . .husbands, wives children, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, sisters, brothers, parents, etc. Just remember just because you feel alone doesn't mean you are. It just means that at that moment those people who surround you with love have to stay a float themselves and sometimes they are staying a float for you too.

Manners. They matter and shouldn't be dead.

So today someone reminded me of one of my biggest pet peeves with people today. That is how inconsicerate people can be. I am not going to say I am innocent of having bad manners at times. The difference is I try not to fall into those habits. I work hard to remember what is right and feel quilty any time I find myself falling into other's bad habits.

Just for in case people need to know what is being considerate and having manners. One important thing is that when other people are involved in doing something it is important to give them ample notice. Keep them informed of what is happening. If plans change then let the other people know. If you can't make it some where let them know. If you are going to be late the polite thing again is to let them know. This prevents them expecting something is going to happen that isn't and allows them to make other plans if necessary. There have been times when I made plans with people and they flaked. So I ended up missing out on other things that I really wanted to do, but said no to thinking I had plans already. I have also found myself asking people if they wanted to do something and I got the "I don't know yet, but I will definitely let you know" only to never hear back from them. So I stop asking people to do things. Why? Because what is the point. I am either going to be wasting my time thinking I have plans and miss out on other things I could be doing or I won't ever get a clear answer to make the plans. It is all kind of depressing.

Have I backed out of plans before? Yes, but usually it is from fear. I know not a good excuse and I kick myself for it every time. I have started getting past that. Most of the time though I call the other people involved. Have I ever given a vague answer? Yes, usually do to I don't have a car so I never know if I am going to feel like taking a bus some where and then a taxi home. Could I ask for a ride? Probably, but I try not to depend on people. Again do to most people really can't be depended on. Hard lesson I learned at an extremely young age. Always plan to depend on yourself and if someone helps then be extremely grateful.

Another thing I was taught was rude is showing up at people's houses unannounced. Fine if you are a really close friend driving by in the neighborhood, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or family I can excuse that. The reason it is rude has nothing to do with the whole having the house clean. It is that you don't know what is happening with the person at that time. They may have out of town guests staying with them. There may be a family emergency. Who knows what may be happening so to just assume they are available for you to drop in on is kind of rude.

I could go on and on with all the things that people have forgotten when it comes to manners.The point is this. That most rules of etiquette were created in order to be considerate of the people around you or that are involved in what you are doing. I am not saying that some rules of etiquette aren't ridiculous. Trust me I will be the first one to make fun of the stupid rules, but the ones dealing with being courteous to others should never be forgotten.

Why have so many people become so obsessed with themselves and immediate satisfaction? How can we expect any relationship of any sort to survive the demanding me syndrome? Don't get me wrong I like to have things my way at times, but not at the sacrifice of another person's happiness. It seems with every step forward we take we also lose some of the values and ideas that were good from the past. Maybe we all need to take a step back and consider what we can bring with us into the future from past generations. Then take those lessons and meld them with our current knowledge. I think we might find we will be a lot farther a head if we find a way to take the good ideas from the past and combine them with the present and future ideas. Please don't forget manners and proper etiquette or being considerate of another person's time and feelings. When we forget these things we are no longer moving forward, but in actuality we are moving backward.

When will we see true beauty?

There is so much progress that has been made towards seeing the real person. Yet there is still a lot of progress that needs to be made.

Beauty is beyon looks. It is beyond your weight, your hair, your clothes. It is beyond the marks on your skin or if there is a few hairs growing in the wrong place. Beauty is beyond who you prefer to have sex with or if you enjoy Sci-Fi to much. It is the smile that warms the heart. The kind deads a person does for another without a reason.

As children we are sent mixed signals. We are told looks don't matter and yet we are judge by them our whole lifes. Society tells us we should love the person not their appearance, but when we do people look at us as if something wrong is with us.

I have friends who are absolutely gorgeous. They may not be the size that magazines show as perfect . Some of them have marks on their faces or teeth that aren't perfect. Yet what makes them gorgeous isn't what is seen from the outside. What makes them more beautiful than any model or actress is who they are. They are the people who will go out of their way to help a stranger. These people approached me when no other person would talk to me. They took the chance of being judged to be my friend even though others feared it.

Some of the best guys I have met and dated weren't great looking. They were the guys that some women would have been ashamed to be seen with. Yet they were the ones who were respectful of me.

Trust me I have also dated some great looking guys. Those guys were most often the ones who treate me great in the beginning and later became possesive and controling. They were the ones who treated me bad.

I am not saying that a person can't be the commercial idea of beautiful on the outside and be beautiful on the inside. I have met my share of those people as well. What I am saying is when will we look past the outer appearance and see what is deeper?

That isn't to say that you will be attracte to a person who is heavier or has messed up teeth. What I am saying is the meanness and judging of others needs to stop. I won't say I have the answer other than working on fixing ourselves and living as the example. We can't fix other people, but we can chose not to be part of the problem. There will always be a percentage of people who won't change. What I am wanting is the majority to grow into deeper more compassionate people. When we do that we won't judge ourselves as hard. You can say people need others to be mean to them to pressure them to be better, but that isn't true. There is a healthy way to help a person be healthier and improve themselves. What I have seen most people do only makes people hate themselves. When you push and degrade people you don't encourage them to better themselves. You encourage them to hate themselves.

In my experience if you want to help people better themselves then carefully approach the subject. Don't pressure or push. Instead talk to them and listen to them. Be encouraging and not discouraging. Care about the person instead of making them want to hurt themselves in order to shut your voice out. How would you handle your child? If your child needed to lose weight would you call them names and harrass them to try to get them to lose weight? Or would you instead discuss your concerns in a compassionate manner? Think about others as being fragile, because we all are. Just some of us have learned to hide when you hurt or break us. If you cut us do we not bleed? The same goes for when you cut us with verbal razors. The difference is that blood is easier to hide. I should know. I have hidden my wounds more times than anyone knows, including me.

Doing for Others

There is a certain beauty that occurs when someone does something for another person. This beauty isn't the type you usually see in magazines or on the front page of a newspaper. The news shows rarely show this beauty. It is the type of beauty that can make a person cry with joy or relief. Beauty like this can be contagious and can be made by anyone of any age. All that it takes is a moment. Sometimes it can take as little as a second to do.

So many ways for someone to create this beauty. Sometimes it is as easy as a smile when someone is feeling down or nervous. You can compliment a person on how they look or something they did. It can be more complicated like offering them help when they need it or making them a gift. Doing for another can also be as simple as just letting someone know you see them and you are willing to include them. Maybe someone needs a break from their problems for a little while. All you need to do is invite them over for dinner and talk about something other than their problems. Maybe even offer to watch their kids or listen to them when they are upset.

A card or a handmade gift can let them know someone cares. Baking cookies or getting them something they need. It can even just be as simple as giving someone a heart warming hug.

Beauty that is created by such an act is the type that shines brighter than the sun. It can spread from one person to another faster than lightening will flash across the sky. Nothing compares to this kind of beauty and again it is the type that can be created by anyone. How you look doesn't matter. You can be a baby that just smiles at a person or an elderly person who gives a kind word to a person who needs to hear it. This beauty doesn't take talent or intelligence. It is one that is simple and easy. All it takes is an action simple and true. Sometimes it is created by a selfish thought or need that becomes something deeper and greater. Other times it is done with a pure heart that just sees someone in need and is drawn to them because that is what they are meant to do. The reason doesn't matter. What does matter is the end result and the beauty created.

The next time an oppertunity comes your way instead of shrugging it off or saying I don't have time. Stop a moment and think of the beauty you could be creating. How far can that beauty spread and do whatever you are able to. Even if what you can do is something small and may seem like not much to you I promise you it will mean a lot to that other person. You may never see it or know it, but I guarantee you they will. That person will carry that moment with them and spread it to another person. I know they will, because I have carried those small moments with me every time.

Believing and Faith

So  I decided today to write about two of my favorite words. I think the only word that ranks higher for me then believing and faith would be love. Not sure why those two popped in my head today, but here it goes.

To believe in something or someone is a very special thing. It means for some reason you decided to put your faith into whatever or whoever you decided to believe in. Sometimes we believe in something, because of something we saw or heard. Sometimes it is due to something we feel. Whatever it is that causes us to believe in someone or something we all have our believes. There are people who believe in God and there are those who don't. Most people believe in what scientists and doctors tell us and yet there are some people who still question what those people say as well. People who are married I hope believe in the person they are married to. Otherwise I am not sure how their marriage will work. I think the most special kind of belief is when we believe in someone or they believe in us.

I believe anyone can achieve whatever they want to. It doesn't matter what it is. All they need to do is believe in themselves, try to achieve it, and keep trying for until they do. That is why when someone says they want to do something I always tell them I know they can do it and I believe in them. Well actually maybe there are somethings people can't achieve. If you want to be a big singer and you can't sing then I would say that would be hard to overcome. Mainly due to the fact that singing can only be learned to a point. Most of it has to do with talent. Everything else I am fairly certain you can find a way to make it work if you really want to. It is just a matter of being willing to find that way to make it work.

Faith is a powerful thing. Someone's amount of faith in something can affect how they handle things or what happens in their life. My faith is in God. That isn't to say that yours has to be, but that is where I have chosen to put mine. The reasons I have done this go deeper than my upbringing. Honestly if it was completely due to my upbringing I am not sure I would believe in God nor would I have as much faith in God. My faith in God comes from something deep inside me. Whenever I have been scared or something bad would happen I would pray to God or talk to him. I still do. Every single time a peace would come over me and I would know everything would be alright. The problem might still be there, but I knew I would find the solution or it would work itself out. Some of my friends would say that is the power of positive thinking and maybe they are right. I don't doubt positive thinking has its points. For all I know maybe that is what it was, but for until I know differently I am going to believe it was God. You see I don't claim to know the answers or hold any special keys. What I do claim is to have Faith in God and to believe he loves me. I don't usually talk about my religious believes with people due to I get tired of people who say they believe the same as I do getting mad at me for trying to keep them from shutting other people out. The sad thing is that I have had more civilized conversations about religion with people of different believes than me than I have had with people of the same believe. I think it is because I don't like it when people act like they have all the answers and everyone else is wrong. None of us have all the answers. All any of us have is our faith and beliefs. Some of us have unwaivering blind faith and others of us say we believe while we secretly doubt that believe. Then there are those who admit they don't know what the truth is. All they know is what they think they know to be right.

When I started this particular writing I wasn't sure what I was going to write, but I know I was planning on writing what I did. I thought I would come up with some great philosophical definition of believes and faith. Yet here I am saying I have my believes and I know where I have my faith. If you don't agree that is fine with me. Please let what I and other people believe be fine with you. If it doesn't hurt anyone than why should it matter what someone believes. I know someone will probably say the Bible says to spread the word of God, but Jesus also said to lead by example. If you lead by example then your neighbor will come to you and ask you about me. When he does then tell him. If you live what you believe people will ask. They always do, but if you preach to unwilling ears then they won't want to hear what you say. There isn't a person alive that wants someone to force something on them. We all want to be free. It is alright to discuss what you feel and please do feel passionate about whatever you believe. That is what makes faith and believing as powerful and wonderful words as love. All three of them are based on something you can't touch, but we all share. They may come in different ways and they maybe in different things, but we all love, believe, and have faith in someone or something. We are all human at the core. All we have to do is look past those differences to see how similar we all are.  We all have a story. Please the next time you end up talking about someones believes or what they have faith in stop for a moment and listen. It may not be your belief or faith, but you still may learn something. I may be a Christian, but I have learned more about my own religion from people who have different believes. Also my friends of other believes have given me words of wisdom that have carried me through some hard times. They didn't degrade my believes or take from them. Instead they helped me with what they knew. It is due to all the things I learned that I love hearing about other people's believes. I have had friends who believed in all kinds of different religions. Maybe their religion wasn't my particular taste, but it didn't mean that there wasn't something to be gained from it. Just a thought.

Ok I rambled here and maybe I stepped over some bounaries, but maybe someone found something here. Maybe someone has found the ability to open their heart and mind to someone they held it closed to before. Again I am not sure why I wrote this. I could have written about homeless people or about something else. Yet today this is what came out. Maybe someone needed. Maybe I needed it for some reason. Not sure. I just hope someone other than me found something.

The Pain of Losing

The past few years I have been thinking about when people disappear, pass away, leave, or just fade out of our lives. Alright I admit it has been more than the last few years. I have wondered about this most of my life. Mainly due to how my life has been. Most of my life I have been the one who has disappeared. At first this was due to my family moving. Then I admit I did some of my own disappearing acts when I was still young. I didn't mean to, but it just seemed easier than sticking it out and figuring out who I could trust. Was it wrong for me to do this. Yes, I think it was. I should have confronted the people. I shouldn't have let whatever was happening affect my life. Unfortunately, I was young and I never had learned to stick it out. Thankfully I finally learned that it is best to stick it out. Even if it doesn't work out at least you know that you didn't run. You faced it full on without fear. Well at least that is how it will look even if you felt fear in doing so. Recent years it seems my karma has caught up with me. Now that I learned that running isn't good it seems people have started disappearing from me.

So this is what I have to say. When you decide to disappear it may be easy for you and it may feel right when you do it. The problem with this is you hurt other people. You may not mean to, but you will. My advice is if it is at all possible then suck in the fear and face the person. Tell them what you need to. Let them know the truth. Give them that much respect. The only time I wouldn't suggest this is if the person is violent and is planning on hurting you or you believe they will hurt you or someone near you. The only other time I would suggest not doing this is if you have tried and they wouldn't let you.

I have been on both sides. I know why people disappear and I know what it feels like to be left wondering why. I have always told people I can handle anything if they are honest with me. This is the truth. Please don't take this to mean that I will be around after I hear the truth. It just means I will respect you for telling me and I won't be angry. Telling me why will help me move on. It will prevent the not knowing from driving me crazy.

Am I a better person from what I have learned? I definitely I hope it has. Well at least I believe it has.

Knowing how much the not knowing can hurt has helped me understand. Especially when you are close to someone such as friends, family, or a person that you have an intimate relationship with. I know I have hurt people unintentionally. More times then I want to think about. For any of those people I am sorry and if you want to know why then please ask. I will do my best to answer, but I can't guarantee that I will have the whole answers. The past is clear at some points and fuzzy at others. My recollection may not be what others remember. All I know is what I felt and what I did. I know I never meant to hurt anyone. At this point in my life though I have dealt with that guilt and that pain. It doesn't change what I did or that I never meant to hurt anyone. I just was confused and wanted to find a safe place was usually the reason.

If you have pushed someone away without telling them then I suggest letting them know if you have the opportunity. Well that is if it is safe to and they will listen. No point in wasting your time telling someone who won't listen or putting yourself or others in danger. I have walked away due to certain people threatening me or others. My fear was more for the others than myself. I don't believe they would have really hurt me, but other people they might have.This will help prevent making a normally passive person from making themselves seem psycho while they try to find out why you walked away. It will help prevent a good person from being sad when you left and they wondered what they did. It isn't easy I know, but it feels better knowing that you  tried to give closure to them. Trust me on this. Even if it goes bad you can say you tried rather than it coming back and slapping you in the face later. The right thing is rarely easy, but it is worth it.

Forgiveness

There were several ideas that went through my head today on what to blog. One was the "Generation of Laziness", another was "You Are Infringing on my Optimism", or "Why Do You Judge Me When You Don't Know the Story?". All these are things I thought about today and maybe some other time I will write them. Today though I am writing this due to a continueing problem I have had and one that almost everyone I know has dealt with at one time or another. This problem is "Forgiveness".

Forgiving people is something we all know we should do. Well if we are smart we know we should forgive people. The problem is that forgiving people when they hurt us really bad or make us feel vulnerable can be hard to do. Anyone who is smart knows that anger and bitterness can eat you from the inside out. It won't hurt the guilty party. Actually most people who hurt others do so for a reason. I am not talking about the accidental hurting of people. I am talking about the type of people who go out of their way to hurt people. You know the type I am sure. They are either miserable and thereforth feel everyone else should be or that get pleasure from controling people. These people don't care if your hurting. It actually makes them happy.

Most of the time I can forgive people easily. I am pretty good at letting things go most of the time. The ones I have a hard time letting go are those I trusted and loved that hurt me or hurt those I care about. Currently the people I am working on forgiving are an ex-boyfriend who owes me money, broke in my house, and stole stuff of both mine and my brother's. I can get past the owing me money, breaking into my house, and stealing my stuff. The hard thing for me to forgive is him stealing my brother's stuff. I am not saying that I didn't get angry or that I am not still angry about the stuff he did to me. What I am saying is that knowing that someone I trusted and believed I cared about could do such a thing not only to me, but to someone else I care about makes me so angry. The only other person I have a hard time forgiving I haven't ever met. That person beat my sister. Granted my anger for him isn't as strong since I haven't met him and I know how my sister couldn't anger people. It is the thought of someone doing that to my sister that angers me.

How do I learn to forgive these people? Well what I try to do is keep in mind that everyone has a story. That story creates the person. Granted we all make a choice on how we chose to let those stories form us and how we deal with them. Each person makes their choices for a reason. We can never know the whole reason they made the choices they did since we aren't in their mind. How people respond or react to things is different from person to person. Some of us have a harder time dealing with the bad things that happen to us. There are those of us that don't have any support or anyone to show us how to be a better person. The one thing people forget is that we aren't the same. We are all different. How we handle things, what we see, and the way things happen are all different. You may see a person who makes excuses or that doesn't try. What that person may see is how hard they tried and how many times things popped up to stop them from succeeding. The people who are angry and bitter see the things that made them that way. The parent who was to hard on them. The person who raped or molested them. They see the people who hurt them and tore them down. We don't know the person's story and a lot of times people think about how they were able to over come something, but forget not everyone knows how to. The next time something happens with someone remember there is always a story. Just as you have a story so do they. Try to feel compassion for them. I am not saying you should trust them again, but you can feel sorry for the person who was hurt. Remember we all have something that is hard for us to get past for whatever the reason. Whether it be jealousy, a material goal, a fear, or whatever it is we all have our obstacles. Just remember that other people have them to.