Compromise

An old family friend of mine. Who  actually knew my family from before I was born sent me an e-mail about my post yesterday. In  her e-mail she discussed with me some of the changes her life  took when she found the love of her life. She discussed how all the things she thought she wanted, all the things she thought he was, and who she once was were  different than what she has now, who she married, and who she is now  The part that I loved the most about the e-mail was that all  those things changed, but they happened on their own. He didn't ask her to change or make them requirements for them to be together. Instead they happened on their own.

You see to me that is what real love is about. It is about two people finding each other despite all the odds at the right time in both of their lives and then some how with all their quirks they end up wanting to stay together.  Slowly changes happen over the years that make them more compatible with each other. Those changes don't happen due to one telling the other "This is what I want so you better be it" or " I like doing this so you better as well". The changes happen due to loving each other, spending time together, and doing those things for that person without being asked or made to.

I know there is no such thing as the perfect relationship. Trust me I have been around enough happy couples when they are fighting. The thing is no matter what is said or what the other did they end up talking about it. They chose to forgive and sometimes let the past fall where it belongs. In the past. (Something I have a hard time with sometimes. Mainly when things are said or happen to remind me of it.) Yes, I am a work in progress and yes I am learning from my happily married friends. Now that I am older and have watched friends get married, divorced, and a few stay together I think I am starting to realize the difference. My friends who stay together and are truly happy (not together and miserable) are that way due to how they feel for each other. They fight, they get angry, sometimes they want to leave, but they always, always calm down at some point. Say their sorry for getting angry and end up talking the problem out. The people I know who get divorced or stay together unhappily usually fight, but don't say their sorry or talk calmly about the problem. There usually ends up with one person talking or yelling at the other while the other person sits there like an  angry child. Meaning they aren't listening and they don't care what the other person has to say. I won't go into my theories of why this happens, but I have seen it happen.

So I guess what I am saying is this whatever works for you that makes you happy is what matters. Yet from the relationships I have seen the happier ones, the ones I would rather fashion a marriage around are the ones who may yell, they may say things they regret later, but they always calm down, apologize, and discuss it in the end. Oh one more thing  I noticed most of them do is after they discuss the problem (both sides not just one side, but both people calmly discussing and listening to each side) they tell each other they love each other, kiss, and hug. Which usually leads to laughing and smiling. Personally I want that over fighting and being angry at each other for days. Don't know about you, but that is what I want.