Lately I have noticed a lot of the people have been having relationship problems. I am sure that happens all the time and I hear it is especially true around the holidays. With all these recent breakups I decided to discuss relationships tonight.
Everyone has had relationships. Most of us have had bad relationships and some of us have had good ones as well. Honestly I have had both, but most of the good ones I had were when I was young. Every time I find a dud my friend's try to reassure me that there is a prince out there. Some people try to give me advice on how to be a better person in order to attract and keep a great guy. Those people haven't been there during any of my relationships and so there for they don't have a clue what all happened. My friend's who have met the guys and seen what happened. The people who have seen the change they take. Those are the people who try to remind me there are decent guys out there. Does it help to be reminded? Sometimes. The thing is most of us single people get tired of looking. It isn't that we don't want to find that person. We just get tired of being lied to, walked on, used, and cheated on.
Luckily I haven't had any guy lay his hands on me in anger, but I have had friends who have. Those friends are great people. They have kind hearts, they are smart, and they have great personalities. Yet they tend to find guys who have no clue how lucky they are to have such a great person. I can't tell you what all happened since unfortunately I wasn't around. I do know what happened with my sisters. One of my sisters was young and wanted a family. So she walked away from one great guy who wanted to wait on getting married and ended up dating a guy who treated her like trash. At one point he hit her while she was pregnant. Another sister of mine started dating a guy thinking he was a prince. When she realized he wasn't a prince she tried walking away, but my parents liked him so much that they kept pushing her back with them. Eventually she ran away with him, got pregnant, and married him. At some point he started hitting her and threatening to kill her. My last sister wanted to be loved, married, and have a family. She got married to an old friend from her childhood. As time went on he started getting abusive. All three of my sisters have ended up with men who became abusive, because they wanted to be loved. Honestly I think a lot of women end up in bad situations due to wanting to be loved.
I haven't been hit by guys, but I have ended up in some bad situations. When talking about them with people who weren't around or lucked out with not dating the completely wrong guy they always say "What were you thinking? How did you not know that he was like that?" Ok first things first. Most people put on a front to get the person they want to want them back. People who are wanting to use someone and are good at doing so do this to a new level. Those people are experts at knowing what people want to hear and see. The ones who are the best at this know to tell enough truth to make them sound honest. They know how to twist things and how to say/do things that make them sound good, but not to good. The point is I don't fall for obvious tricks. Usually they use a person I know to get to know me and support their lies or they use their charisma and charms to wiggle their way in. You see I am not the type of girl who is easy to get to know. I may be willing to talk to a person in passing, but becoming part of my personal life isn't easy. That takes work and time. Especially for a guy who wants to convince me they want to be a part of my life. That usually takes a matter of months to convince me. Then after I decide to let them in it usually takes several more months before I will let it become a steady relationship. That isn't to say I haven't made exceptions, but in general it takes a lot of time and talking. What is even worse is that those same guys fool everyone that meets them.
Along with all these bad things there are people who are lucky enough to find or build a great relationship with people. My Grandpa found love at first sight when he went to go on a date with his best friend's sister. When he went to pick up his date there was my Grandma hiding behind a wood stove. He says he was interested in her from that moment and knew he was going out with the wrong sister. My best friend's husband kept seeing her in different places for years before they finally got to know each other through friends. Finding that perfect someone doesn't happen from looking for them or going out to clubs. It happens when it is meant to. After years of talking to the people who are obviously truly in love I have come to a conclusion. You don't find love. Love finds you. The people who go out looking for love seems to usually find the wrong people. The ones who find love usually are those who aren't looking or gave up on looking. Does that mean you shouldn't be willing to be open? No. What it means is to keep living your life and to remember love is work. Also remember you don't have to settle to find love, but you do have to compromise. Which the two are totally different and I think a lot of people forget that. Also if a person wants to change you remember to sit down and decide is this a change that makes sense and will make me a better person. If the change doesn't make sense or won't make you a better person it might be time to leave. If it will make you a better person or it makes sense then decide if you are willing to make that change for life. That is what you will need to do. If you aren't willing to make that change for life then save yourself and the person you love the time.
All and all remember love can be a beautiful thing, but only when it is right.
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