Strength

I keep hearing people talk about strength. I hear them say this person is strong, because they can do this or deal with that.  Rarely do I ever hear anyone say they are strong. It seems like everyone always talks about the strength of others. I am the same way. People say I am a strong person. Friends and family of mine a like are always telling me I am strong. The thing is just like everyone else I don't see it. I have learned not to argue  when people give me such a compliment. This is a recent thing, but something I have learned. To not accept the compliment is like telling a person their opinion isn't valid. So this is what I have to say about strengthe since everyone's opinion is different.

When speaking of strength the idea of muscles and bikers come to mind. Yet there are all kinds of strength. Due to my unique family I have  found that strength is different then what  I use to think it was. My parent's mothers are as different from each other as they could be. My Father's mother was the type of woman most people think of when they think of a strong woman. She was independent, opinionated, and she gave  the impression of being an emotional  rock. To tell the truth I don't remember a lot about her so I can't tell you whether she ever fell apart. I am sure though  that she did. The thing is she died  of  cancer and even when she was sick she never seemed to be weak. Yes, her body became weak and she was so skinney at the end. Yet emotionally she still seemed so strong. Well at least to me she did. I don't think she knew how to give up or how to show that she could break. Always it seemed she could do anything. I know logicially that she had to have had limits to her capabilities, but the only limits I can think of aren't  worth mentioning here.

My other Grandma was an amazing woman.  She was fun, loving, and always thoughtful. Her strength wasn't from being overly independent, overly opinionated, or giving the impression of being a rock. The strength she had was the type I hope I can find within myself. Her strength was the most beautiful and best strength I have ever seen. She was able to see through to a person's soul and see what was really there. Something that so few people are able to do or even try to do. Always, always she knew what to say or do to make you feel special. Was she independent? Yes, she was. Her independence though wasn't the same kind as my father's mother's. The difference was this my father's mother was the type of independent that stands at the front of the line and obviously leads people. Where as my mother's mother she was the type of independent that stood behind you and gently guided you instead of leading you. Both of these strengths are important. Being able to lead people from the fore front is needed in some situations. If you are trying to get people  into battle there needs to be a person in the front of the line making the decisions and enforcing  them. There are also times it is better to guide someone instead of leading them. When dealing with family or people in general it is usually best not to force someone into doing things. Instead it is better to be understanding and guide them the right direction with care. Did both my Grandmother'shave strong opinions? Well yes they did, but the way they expressed them was different. One Grandma was very verbal about her opinions and expressed them in a matter of fact way. Hhhhhmmmm!!!! Sounds kind of like what I have been accused of doing. Wonder why? The other Grandma had her opinions, but had a settle way of expressing them. It is hard to explain the difference in how they did it unless you heard it. Honestly I think I inherited both some how. My mother's  mother wasn't like a rock. I say she wasn't like a rock, because rocks are known for being hard. If there is one word I would never use to describe my Mom's Mom it wouldn't be hard. She may have been dependable and solid, but it was more in a soft comforting way. She was more like the pillow you depend on. You know that pillow you grab when your world is falling apart and you just need to cry and hug something. Hard definintely wasn't a word for my Mom's mom. Not in the least. I never remember seeing her cry or fall apart. Yet there definitely was a soft side that was totally filled with love. No, she wasn't perfect. Granted I never found anything that was inperfect about her in my eyes, but I know we all have our faults. The thing is this strength comes in many ways. We all have strength it is just a matter of finding it.

Recently my sister wrote a paper about me overcoming adversity. It made me cry. Mainly because I use to look up to her so much and now she admires me. For what I am not quite sure. She says it is, because I have found a way to succeed despite everything that has happened. Where she sees strength I see me just surviving. Do I understand why she might take me for being strong? The answer is yes I do. She knows the things I went through and she sees me take it in stride. She has heard me cry and then pull myself together to move on with what I need to do. Is that strength? In a way that is a type of strength. I am sure my sister doesn't see her strengths. She is strong even if she doesn't see it. When I was little she defended me and took care of me. She would protect me and nurture me. I was her practice child.  Both her and my sister that was between us would read me stories. They would try to stop me from doing things that might allow me to get hurt. Granted that was a bigger job then you might think. I had a tendency to think I was capable to do anything. Such as swim out to the deep end of the Lake even though I didn't know how to swim. We all have our own strengths. Sometimes we just have to believe in that strength enough to use it.